Creating a female counter-culture

At my bookclub we often sound off about issues.  It never fails, each meeting we either get pumped up about a topic the author brings up or go off on various tangents. The conversations are always interesting and enlightening, and I’ve read some interesting perspectives on the particular topic that came up at the last bookclub several times over the past few months, so I thought I’d bring it up here.

            The topic? PMS. But even more than that, the necessity of calling up the soul, which is so important for a meaningful and creative life.

            So, how did we get on this subject?  In the book (yes, in our bookclub we discuss the same book every month!) the author wrote about the importance for women to ‘converse with the wild feminine’—to take a little break from the world and have some solitude.  The author laughs when she hears the claim that women were considered by some anthropologists to be ‘unclean’ and forced to leave the village once a month. “All women know that even if there were such a forced ritual exile, every single woman would…leave the village hanging her head mournfully….and then break into a jig down the path.”

            Women often feel more intensely around that time, and in fact senses are heightened and tears often come more easily. Yes, we may get edgy and irritated, but this is because we feel so deeply. We aren’t ‘weaker’ because of our emotion, we just don’t see the world like men typically do. Men generally see the world more linearly and women employ more circular logic and rely more on intuition and emotion.

            Sheila Kelley writes “I believe that this ‘emotional irrationality’ is nothing more than the deep connection that women have to the vulnerability of humanity. It’s empathy.  To be blessed with empathy is one of the greatest gifts on Earth.”

            Labels like PMS are often negative and dismissive, but feeling so deeply isn’t a bad thing.  We can create our own female culture and propel it forward through a positive spin on ‘PMS’ and take our emotion and channel it into something good for us and for our souls.  Which brings me back to solitude, to carving out a simple place for yourself to escape for a bit—a little intentional solitude. It doesn’t have to cost anything—just a little time and effort. It’s vital.

What women want—to be accepted on their own terms

We meet once a month. We are women with vastly different life experiences and in different walks of life. We have been born in four different decades. We are here to remember who we are, because it is so, so easy to forget.

This night we gather in a circle to talk about our bodies. We read from the Women Who Run With the Wolves book by Clarissa Pinkola Estés, the book that I have mentioned here more than a few times. This book is such a vital part of our lives, and the chapter we’re discussing this night talks about accepting and loving our bodies for who they are.

I don’t know if men can relate as much, but women can, to the pressure in our culture to look a certain way. The circle that “the culture” has defined for what is acceptable and beautiful is very, very small, but when you step out of that myopic view and become “far-seeing,” as Estes’ says, you nod and breathe “yes” to her observations that “to support only one kind of beauty is to be somehow unobservant of nature. There cannot be only one kind of songbird, only one kind of pine tree, only one kind of wolf. There cannot be…one kind of woman.”

We have all had the experiences of feeling like we are “too much of this, and not enough of that.” Many have been caught in the cycle of treating our bodies as slaves—slaves to the scale, the measuring tape, slaves to food, to mistreatment and demands. This robs us of our freedom, and also robs us of our creative life. How much creating can we do when we’re so preoccupied with how we look and how others perceive our worth?

Let’s see the body as a teacher, as a repository for the resilient human soul, as our constant companion, and see how it surely deserves our love and acceptance. My hope is that we can disregard the demands of the overculture to be this or to be that, and to instead be who we truly are and to enjoy these bodies that carry us through life.

Looking back, forward as a new year begins

I’m grateful for these women in my life—pictured are some of the members of our Women Who Run with the Wolves bookclub at our end-of-the-year gathering.

Now that I’ve been doing this regular writing gig for over a year, it’s fun to look back and see what I was writing about a year ago at this time. I looked back at my first column of 2010, and it was titled ‘Create the life you want this year,’ which is just what’s on my mind again. Some things never change.


Since the calendar page has just flipped over to another fresh, new year, I wanted to share a New Year’s Questionnaire with you. I didn’t write this, but I wish I had!

Filling these out and looking back on them from year to year will become an annual tradition for me. I find it useful to put down on paper how I want to live more authentically. I hope it’s meaningful for you, too. (The full version of this questionnaire is posted on my blog.)

Completing and Remembering the Past Year:

What was your biggest triumph this year? What was the greatest lesson you learned? What are you most happy about completing? Who were the three people that had the greatest impact on your life? What was the biggest risk you took? What compliment would you liked to have received? What compliment would you most liked to have given? What else do you need to do or say to be complete with 2010?

Creating 2011: What would you like to be your biggest triumph? What advice would you like to give yourself? What would you most like to change about yourself? What are you looking forward to learning? What about your work are you most committed to changing and improving? What is one undeveloped talent you are willing to explore? What brings you the most joy and how are you going to do/have more of that?

Full Version
Completing and Remembering the Past Year:


What was your biggest triumph this year?

What was the smartest decision you made this year?

What one word sums up and best describes your 2010 experience?

What was the greatest lesson you learned in 2010?

What was the most loving service you performed in 2010?

What is your biggest piece of unfinished business in 2010?

What are you most happy about completing in 2010?

Who were the three people that had the greatest impact on your life in 2010?

What was the biggest risk you took in 2010?

What was the biggest surprise in 2010?

What important relationship improved the most in 2010?
What compliment would you liked to have received in 2010?
What compliment would you most liked to have given in 2010?
What else do you need to do or say to be complete with 2010?


Creating 2011:

What would you like to be your biggest triumph in 2011?

What advice would you like to give yourself in 2011?

What is the major effort you are planning to improve your financial results in

2011?

What would you be most happy about completing in 2011?

What major indulgence are you willing to experience in 2011?

What would you most like to change about yourself in 2011?

What are you looking forward to learning in 2011?

What do you think your biggest risk will be in 2011?
What about your work are you most committed to changing and improving in 2011?

What is one undeveloped talent you are willing to explore in 2011?

What brings you the most joy and how are you going to do or have more of that in

2011?

Who or what, other than yourself, are you most committed to loving and serving

in 2011?

Tending to the creative fires more important than a clean kitchen

I was standing in my kitchen a few weeks ago talking to my friend that just moved here.  I haven’t been to her house yet, and as she stood in the chaos that comprised my kitchen that afternoon, she remarked how she wouldn’t feel apologetic to have me over to her house after having seen mine. 

            I laughed.  Good, because I want people to be comfortable in my house, and while I do prefer clean and clutter-free to messy, that’s not my reality most of the time.  I can’t stress out about it too much, or I’ll miss out on what’s most important to me, which are people and relationships and following my path of what I think makes this world a better place.

            My friend and I stood there in my messy kitchen and talked about how we fiercely hold on to what we’re passionate about and we make space for our creative fires to burn hot and bright, even though that often means letting go of other things, because when it comes down to choosing between tending our creative fires or having a clean house, we go with the fire tending.      

            Should we feel guilty?  Nah.

            Later I was re-reading a passage in one of my very favorite books of all time, Clarissa Pinkola Estes’ Women Who Run With the Wolves, and I read this: “I’ve seen women insist on cleaning everything in the house before they could sit down to write…and you know it’s a funny thing about house cleaning…it never comes to an end.  Perfect way to stop a woman.”

            Estes talks about the wild creative force flowing into each of us like a river, and will we pollute it or keep the waters clear?  Our creative ability is our most valuable asset.  I love that.